ok... where do i even begin?
2020 was literally the worst year of my life. i barely ran as i tore my left hamstring in the beginning of 2020 and then my whole world fell apart in march. my marriage ended with my husband assaulting me but not because he did that... he did that after he found out i wanted a divorce. it is a very long and arduous story that i do not want to rehash.
fast forward to today and i'm in a much better place. i spent the better part of 2020 just surviving. now i am (dare i say it) thriving.
today i joined a gym. it is a step in the right direction (forward) and i'm so proud of myself for taking the leap. it seemed like every single thing in 2020 was so hard that i was surprised i could even acomplish anything at all. simply getting out of bed was a feat to be celebrated. i spent 5 months in my bed only getting out to work and i've been working from home since march as well so all things considered i'm doing just splendidly.
today i am doing a million times better. i am happier and healthier than i've been all of 2020. i am looking forward to my days instead of dreading them.
since everything was cancelled in 2020 my 50 mile race (the iceage 50) was also cancelled and i am now gearing up to start the training schedule for it for 2021. i'm alternately terrified and a teeny tiny bit excited. i've had no motivation to do anything at all all year so finding some gumption for this was very difficult. in fact, i'm not sure if i've found any or if i'm just telling myself the things i want to hear so that i eventually believe them. i don't really care as long as i keep moving forward at this point.
so today i'm putting together my training plan for the race and tomorrow i will start going to the gym and working out. i'm sure that just working out will help to further shift my mental health in the right direction and really i so need it. i feel pretty happy the past 2 weeks but part of me worries that it's a manic episode coming on and not true happiness... only time will tell on that front. in the meantime i'm going to believe that i'm truly happy and not chemically unbalanced and i will move along with my life as tho' things are as good as they feel right now.
that's all i've got... i have only run a handful of times in 2020 and am very much looking forward to beginning again and building my mileage. i hate that its so difficult to run a 5K right now... i feel like i'm going to die each time i run in fact. it's quite laughable. my mantra for 2021 is "the journey is the destination."
