oh, the possibilities...

running has become a very arduous venture as of late.  so much so that i've practically given it up in my mind.  i've almost written it off as a thing of the past and have actively been getting rid of or downgrading my spring/summer races.  i am having the most challenging time completing anything more than 3 miles without numerous walk breaks which makes me alternately overwhelmed with disappointment (to tears in fact), and seething with anger.  on wednesday i ran in one of the most beautiful places i can think of... vero beach, florida.  part of the run is paved and then part of the run is on a protected sandy road that skims the river.  the entire run is breathtakingly beautiful and yet... the entire time i'm running my focus is on my pain.  where, how much, what kind, and the severity of it.  my focus is also on how long i can force myself to go before i simply have to take a walk break.  my walk breaks are timed and are never more than .05 on my garmin.  however... there are a lot of them.  each break makes me more and more incensed which brings on the tears because the anger has nowhere to go.

yesterday we went to miami overnight for a heat game and while walking around miami i kept getting these shooting dull pains in my leg.  not encouraging in the least.  *sigh*

i have no idea how i'm going to rectify this situation.  i have no idea what is wrong or how to fix it so i keep thinking that i'm simply going to have to stop running altogether.  this makes me so disconsolate.  what am i going to do if i can't run?  how will i find that happy place?

today i saw this:

this makes me feel better and less downtrodden.  makes me feel like i should give it some time and try to figure this mess out before i just give up completely.  what i'm going to do in the interim is beyond me... i simply do not know.  i have all these races i've scheduled that i really really want to do.  the most important is the lakefront marathon so maybe i'll just give up all the others and focus on that one?  maybe i will lay off the running for a month or two and then try again?  i honestly have no idea what will work and i'm afraid that no matter what i try nothing will change and then i will feel so much more defeated.

cliché… sometimes shiny is a challenge

there was a time in my life where i was all doom and gloom.  i was wired that way.  my childhood was not one that afforded me the frivolities of a positive outlook on life.  it was fraught with uncertainty, disfunction, discomfort, and worse.  in the past few years i have learned quite a few things that have had a powerful effect on my life.

i have worked hard to rewire my brain to view the world in a different way and i can tell you… it was no easy task.  it was and still is a challenge.

this morning on the drive to work i was listening to the radio folks as they were talking about "9 things that happy people do that other people don't do" and i found myself smiling at it because i could relate to many (if not all) of the things that were being listed.  it is really surprising how powerful small changes like the ones i'm about to list can be in one's life if you just commit to them.  i know that it sounds like it's easier said than done and i used to be that person who didn't believe that it was that simple.  now tho'… i know it is that simple.

you change your mind you change your life.  i truly believe that.

the list:

1. happy people don't blame other's for their problems. 

2. happy people don't overreact to the present moment. 

3. happy people don't use negative language. 

4. happy people don't feel trapped. 

5. happy people don't focus on a single passion or relationship. 

6. happy people don't dwell on past failures. 

7. happy people don't spend more time than necessary around unhappy people. 

8. happy people don't gossip. 

9. happy people don't procrastinate.

every morning i wake up and i feel fortunate for everything i've got going for me and i am thankful for all of it.  i feel practically charmed for the way my life has panned out.  i believe it begins there.

i have tons of problems.  who doesn't?  it's how we look at, choose to view, and ultimately deal with our problems that will make or break us.  i'd rather look at my life and see what i've got going for me than what i don't.  i think the above list is a really good reminder of things to keep in mind.

it is really easy to fall into a hole of doom and gloom but really… why?  someone somewhere will always have it worse than you.  there is always a way to find the happy in any situation.  there is always a way to see the positive.  it may not be easy but there is always a way if you want to find it.  so find your happy…  what made you happy today?