running has become a very arduous venture as of late. so much so that i've practically given it up in my mind. i've almost written it off as a thing of the past and have actively been getting rid of or downgrading my spring/summer races. i am having the most challenging time completing anything more than 3 miles without numerous walk breaks which makes me alternately overwhelmed with disappointment (to tears in fact), and seething with anger. on wednesday i ran in one of the most beautiful places i can think of... vero beach, florida. part of the run is paved and then part of the run is on a protected sandy road that skims the river. the entire run is breathtakingly beautiful and yet... the entire time i'm running my focus is on my pain. where, how much, what kind, and the severity of it. my focus is also on how long i can force myself to go before i simply have to take a walk break. my walk breaks are timed and are never more than .05 on my garmin. however... there are a lot of them. each break makes me more and more incensed which brings on the tears because the anger has nowhere to go.
yesterday we went to miami overnight for a heat game and while walking around miami i kept getting these shooting dull pains in my leg. not encouraging in the least. *sigh*
i have no idea how i'm going to rectify this situation. i have no idea what is wrong or how to fix it so i keep thinking that i'm simply going to have to stop running altogether. this makes me so disconsolate. what am i going to do if i can't run? how will i find that happy place?
today i saw this:
this makes me feel better and less downtrodden. makes me feel like i should give it some time and try to figure this mess out before i just give up completely. what i'm going to do in the interim is beyond me... i simply do not know. i have all these races i've scheduled that i really really want to do. the most important is the lakefront marathon so maybe i'll just give up all the others and focus on that one? maybe i will lay off the running for a month or two and then try again? i honestly have no idea what will work and i'm afraid that no matter what i try nothing will change and then i will feel so much more defeated. 