at it again!

i lost my job last week friday (3/21) so i've been sitting around eating bon bons and watching tons of reality television.  um, ok... not really.  i have, however, had a lot of time to apply for more jobs than you can shake a stick at and to work up the nerve to lace up my running shoes and get on the road.

on monday and wednesday i had appointments with venske (if you need a chiropractor and you live in lake country THIS IS THE GUY!) and he basically told me to shit or get off the pot.  he made a very good point that i have to run sometime and my fear isn't going to help me any because without running i have no way of knowing if anything is better or not.  so... friday i ran.  it went surprisingly and pleasingly well!  unfortunately, my shin splint reared it's ugly little angry head but otherwise the run was short but a huge success!  so successful, in fact, i decided to repeat it

today.  

first, i taped my shin based on some information i found on the internets which proved to be most helpful.  no pain in the shin at all when running which was amazing and quite surprising if i do say so myself.  so surprising that i made a little video telling y'all what i did so that you too can see if you can run pain free by trying this taping method.  one problem solved.

 

 unfortunately, my calf wasn't so cooperative.  it felt weird from the start.  not exactly painful but not good either.  sort of wonky and icky but not hurty.  about 1/2 a mile in part of my foot went numb but it went away pretty quickly.  i'm hoping that whatever is "stuck" in my body will loosen up and go back to normal.  i may have to invest in the chiropractor long term and without insurance that's going to be a bear.  someone else mentioned that i may want to look into different shoes.  i'm not sure that's necessary considering this issue is very new and i've been running in these shoes for years.  i think this issue with my sciatic nerve is a symptom of something else entirely.  what that something else is though... i have no idea.  the good news is that i'm running again so there's that.  

the worst 1 mile of my entire life

the first time i ran a mile i thought it was the worst mile of my entire life.  i couldn't breathe.  i had a side stitch.  my legs hurt and it was really really hard.  so hard that i didn't do it again for a very long time.  it was not the worst mile of my entire life.

turns out that the worst mile of my life (so far) was on saturday when i gave it a go after not having run for exactly 2 weeks to the day pending injuries including but not limited to a torn calf muscle and sciatic nerve issues.

i know that this was the worst mile of my life because i know what i am missing when i can't run this mile.  i know the thrill of the first few steps when the anticipation of the run is so fresh.  i know the catch in my throat as my body settles in and my breath evens out.  i know the joy in the cadence of my footfalls as my stride finds itself.  i know the comfort i find in the sights and sounds fading away as i focus on my body and the work it's doing.  i know the beauty as the world falls away and all that's left is me and the run.  i know that this was the worst mile of my life because i experienced none of these euphoric things.  what made this mile the worst mile of my life and worse than that first mile i ever ran (and believed to be the worst of my life) is that while i was running it i knew exactly what i was missing while i was running it.

this mile was an anxious and challenging mile.  shortly upon starting saturday's mile my leg began to go numb but i ran anyway.  it was a slow mile that took more effort than usual.  it was hard to run and there was no joy in it.  my leg continued to go numb.  i finished saturday's mile with a leg that was numb from the back of the knee down to my entire foot.  i was sad and defeated.  i felt overwhelmed with disappointment and the worry that i would never run again without numbness and/or pain.

worst mile of my life.

yesterday i went to 8 branches chinese medicine and met with my friend sheri.  she reached out to me after i posted a post on the book of face lamenting my sorrows.  all the dramas... i know.  she thought she could help me with acupuncture and so i went.  to be honest i had no expectations.  i am game for anything that might help and am all for alternative medicines.  traditional medicines have their place and can work to a point and i'm not opposed to trying and utilizing whatever works.  so i went.  the appointment was weird.  allowing someone to stick more than a dozen needles in your body is a weird concept.  there really was nothing significant to speak of... at first.  the needles went in and then i couldn't feel them anymore.  one in the top of my left foot was intensely painful immediately upon insertion and so she moved it and i couldn't feel it anymore.  a little later i had a similar painful sensation in my right hand but not where the needle was inserted.  a bit later a similar sensation in my right foot.  for each of these instances she simply moved my appendage around a bit and the pain was gone.  there was some manual manipulation of my muscles surrounding some of the needles as well as some heat application on my ankles and lower back.  i would say about 10-15 minutes into the treatment i felt what can only be described as a buzzing or humming throughout my body... not a noise but an energy coursing through my body.  it felt like a buzzing or humming is what i mean.  i can only assume that it was energy moving through me.  there was no huge crazy feelings of change that i noticed.  no big epiphany.  no magical ah-ha moment.  just some needles, some massage, and i fell asleep for about 15 minutes when sheri left me alone to relax.

today i went to the gym with the intent to run another mile.  i had no expectations.  well... that's a little lie.  i expected a repeat of saturday.  i expected my leg to go numb, to shed all the tears, and to dramatically plan my non-running future as i swore off alternative medicine for life.

i started my garmin so that i could track my laps this time for accurate calculations.  we all know how i like to be accurate... and i started running.  i felt a little sore in the calf as well as on the front inside shin where i injured it those 2 saturdays ago.  beyond that... so far so good.  i settled in and waited for the numbness.  as i clocked laps 2,3,4,5... no numbness.  still the soreness but nothing was getting worse or more painful and a smile spread across my face!  lap 6 and still no numbness and the slight pain holding steady but not getting worse... could this be possible?!?  what the hell!  amazing!  lap 7!  picking up the pace now just a bit... still NOTHING!  no numbness... laps 8 and 9... ok... here we go.  there's a little something.  just a twinge of something.  two laps to go and finally some numbness!  10 and 11 - mile finished and the assessment is this:  no numbness in the leg at all.  only numbness in the outside of the foot encompassing the pinkie toe to the middle toe and maybe the second toe too but the big toe is fine.  no numbness there and no numbness on the inside of the foot or in the heel!  this is amazing!  what an improvement.

i have to say i'm a believer.  i ran that mile in 8:05.  i have a second appointment tomorrow and before i ran today i was on the fence about keeping the appointment.  i'm actually sort of shocked by the improvement.  i honestly believed i'd have to quit running.  i guess that's that for now.

for your eyes only... not really.

a lot of what i write here is so that i have a record for later.  i forget a lot.  like... A LOT.  especially my aches, pains, and sometimes actual injuries that would be good for me to remember.  so this post is going to be about my stupid leg.  if you don't want to know about my stupid leg... just stop reading right here.

monday i went to see venski.  venski is my chiropractor and he is pretty much on par with unicorns, rainbows, and pots of gold... saying i've put him on a pedestal is probably pretty accurate.  he's done wonders for my pains.  however, the buck stops there.  he has not stopped my stupid leg from hurting so now i'm irrationally angry about it.  when i was at the office i saw mike.  mike is the massage guy.  he hurts you with his fingers by finding your nerves and rubbing spots you didn't even know hurt.  yeah... he does that.


so yesterday... my leg (for all intents and purposes) felt surprisingly better.  tender to the touch but mostly better.  so much so that the 2mi run i had planned turned into a longer (of unspecified length) run in my head by the time i got home.


needless to say... that all changed the moment my feet hit the pavement in a running stride that can only be described as the lurching of a crippled zombie chasing after brains while possibly half asleep. 


HOLY SHIT...my leg hurt so bad with those first few strides that i was surprised i was "running" at all. if it can even be called that.  it was more of a death march limp trot but i lumbered on determined to "loosen up".  the thing is... i honestly don't know how to describe the pain because it isn't exactly pain.  it IS but it ISN'T.  it's a combination of weakness, pain, tightness, burning, and numbness.


i thought it would get better as the mile wore on but it didn't.  it got worse and i got slower... in fact, i am embarrassed, pissed off, and so so frustrated by that 2 mi run.  by the time i was 1/2 mile from home i was crying.  full on crying. 


i was crying for several reason.  i was crying because it hurt.  i was crying because i want to run without pain.  i was crying because i was angry that my time was 9:30 per min mile.  i was crying because i had to run past my house and back to make it to 2mi.  i was crying because it's not fair that i can't run pain free.  i was crying because this is straight BULLSHIT!


what is wrong with my leg?!?  how can i fix it?  i didn't do anything to cause it!  i don't know how to remedy it and i am about to enter panic mode.  i NEED it to heal so that i CAN run.  i need to know what steps to take so that it will heal.  no one seems to know what i need to do to make this happen.


i'm running in lapham peak tonight with the trail runners.  7mi.  i'm taping and taking ibuprofen in the hopes that it will be enough for me to get through the run. if my pain is at a low enough level to be manageable i can enjoy the run. i just want to run and enjoy it.  a little pain is fine as long as it is manageable.  *sigh*  i just want to run.

stupid lefty

so yesterday i was minding my own business running my very slow laps at the pettit center when my stupid left leg decided to do that thing it was doing on the treadmill the other day... only it decided to be the whole leg instead of 1/2 the leg. 


today i was talking to my friend and she suggested that maybe it was sciatica since it doesn't really feel like cramping and it doesn't actually hurt exactly but it feels sort of tight and then sort of weak but i can't really explain what it feels like because i've never experienced anything like it before.  it's a weird hurty feeling but not really pain exactly.


it did suck balls tho' and it made me damn mad and it didn't last exactly the whole time in the same intensity so it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense to me.


so i got to thinking... i now have a desk job and i have previously had a job where i was constantly moving... up to 8 or more miles a day in fact.  now i sit.  all day.  i was looking into one of these so i bought one for work.  seems like it might be best for me and my stupid nervy nerves.  i'll let you know how it goes after i get it and use it for awhile.


tomorrow i'm doing that 18mi out and back to check out how the run to work will be.  we'll see how it goes with this new development in my stupid body.  it's always something isn't it...