ragnar northwoods

so since joining badger crossfit i've gotten to start running again (insert incessant cheering here).  one of the cool things about this gym is that they have a private facebook page where they post member related things.  on said page a post popped up a couple of weeks ago mentioning that there was a ragnar team in need of a member because someone dropped out. 

so i watched the post for about a week and thought about it.  i talked to dave and picked his brain about whether or not i was ready to run actual distances... i mused... i fretted... i pondered... and then i posted asking if they were "crossfitters who run or runners who crossfit" cuz that's TOTALLY important in my decision making process.  it matters because if they were runners who did crossfit as opposed to the other way around it would be more pressure to perform at my absolute best and i'm not quite there yet.  i'm getting there... but i'm NOT there.  i know that if i was running with the team i was supposed to run with i would be pushing myself beyond capacity, and probably into a place where i would open the door for injury because i would feel so much pressure to perform at a level i'm not quite at yet.  however... these wonderful women are crossfit women who run and short distance runners.  running is not necessarily their thing like it's my thing so it will be easier for me to allow myself some wiggle room to have fun and not push myself to my competitive edge.  or maybe it is their thing that way, but they don't seem to be as competitive as i am and that's going to prove to be a good thing in this instant and keep me injury free.  although... i feel so damn good that i'm already planning how to run as hard as i can.

it's interesting to me to try and just run a race to "have fun"... i'm not a fun run kind of woman.  i run regularly to have fun.  i race to win.  it's really very simple.  i race to push my limits and see what i'm made of.  to see what i can do and then to smash that ceiling.  i race to push that boundary and then explode past it when i feel like i can't give anymore.  i race to leave every ounce of myself on the course.  even if that results in tears and blubbering collapsed finishes.  there is no other reason to race in my opinion.

i run because i love to run.  i can (and do) that all the time.  i run long runs and short runs and everything in between because i love to do it.  i don't need to race to fulfill my love of running... i just need to go outside and do it.  i race to prove to myself that i have no limits.  to smash the ones that plague me.

as master p so eloquently put it: "i'm a no limit motherfuckin' soldier till i die"

i mean... truly the dope lyricist weaving american venacular into such a ornate stream of consciousness.  or something.

anyway... running.

so i'm pretty excited to be running this thing.  there are so many people i know running it so i hope to see a lot of friends.  i'm excited to get to know a new group of women.  i'm excited to make new friends (although with my social anxiety this is also kicking my ass at the moment).  i'm mostly excited to run new trails and see what my body will do.  i'm just really really happy i get to run at all.