cliché… sometimes shiny is a challenge

there was a time in my life where i was all doom and gloom.  i was wired that way.  my childhood was not one that afforded me the frivolities of a positive outlook on life.  it was fraught with uncertainty, disfunction, discomfort, and worse.  in the past few years i have learned quite a few things that have had a powerful effect on my life.

i have worked hard to rewire my brain to view the world in a different way and i can tell you… it was no easy task.  it was and still is a challenge.

this morning on the drive to work i was listening to the radio folks as they were talking about "9 things that happy people do that other people don't do" and i found myself smiling at it because i could relate to many (if not all) of the things that were being listed.  it is really surprising how powerful small changes like the ones i'm about to list can be in one's life if you just commit to them.  i know that it sounds like it's easier said than done and i used to be that person who didn't believe that it was that simple.  now tho'… i know it is that simple.

you change your mind you change your life.  i truly believe that.

the list:

1. happy people don't blame other's for their problems. 

2. happy people don't overreact to the present moment. 

3. happy people don't use negative language. 

4. happy people don't feel trapped. 

5. happy people don't focus on a single passion or relationship. 

6. happy people don't dwell on past failures. 

7. happy people don't spend more time than necessary around unhappy people. 

8. happy people don't gossip. 

9. happy people don't procrastinate.

every morning i wake up and i feel fortunate for everything i've got going for me and i am thankful for all of it.  i feel practically charmed for the way my life has panned out.  i believe it begins there.

i have tons of problems.  who doesn't?  it's how we look at, choose to view, and ultimately deal with our problems that will make or break us.  i'd rather look at my life and see what i've got going for me than what i don't.  i think the above list is a really good reminder of things to keep in mind.

it is really easy to fall into a hole of doom and gloom but really… why?  someone somewhere will always have it worse than you.  there is always a way to find the happy in any situation.  there is always a way to see the positive.  it may not be easy but there is always a way if you want to find it.  so find your happy…  what made you happy today?

torn muscle not pinched nerve

turns out the problem with my leg is a torn muscle not a pinched nerve… what fun.  that is all.

"the last, if not the greatest, of the human freedoms: to choose their own attitude in any given circumstance." ~ bruno bettelheim

for your eyes only... not really.

a lot of what i write here is so that i have a record for later.  i forget a lot.  like... A LOT.  especially my aches, pains, and sometimes actual injuries that would be good for me to remember.  so this post is going to be about my stupid leg.  if you don't want to know about my stupid leg... just stop reading right here.

monday i went to see venski.  venski is my chiropractor and he is pretty much on par with unicorns, rainbows, and pots of gold... saying i've put him on a pedestal is probably pretty accurate.  he's done wonders for my pains.  however, the buck stops there.  he has not stopped my stupid leg from hurting so now i'm irrationally angry about it.  when i was at the office i saw mike.  mike is the massage guy.  he hurts you with his fingers by finding your nerves and rubbing spots you didn't even know hurt.  yeah... he does that.


so yesterday... my leg (for all intents and purposes) felt surprisingly better.  tender to the touch but mostly better.  so much so that the 2mi run i had planned turned into a longer (of unspecified length) run in my head by the time i got home.


needless to say... that all changed the moment my feet hit the pavement in a running stride that can only be described as the lurching of a crippled zombie chasing after brains while possibly half asleep. 


HOLY SHIT...my leg hurt so bad with those first few strides that i was surprised i was "running" at all. if it can even be called that.  it was more of a death march limp trot but i lumbered on determined to "loosen up".  the thing is... i honestly don't know how to describe the pain because it isn't exactly pain.  it IS but it ISN'T.  it's a combination of weakness, pain, tightness, burning, and numbness.


i thought it would get better as the mile wore on but it didn't.  it got worse and i got slower... in fact, i am embarrassed, pissed off, and so so frustrated by that 2 mi run.  by the time i was 1/2 mile from home i was crying.  full on crying. 


i was crying for several reason.  i was crying because it hurt.  i was crying because i want to run without pain.  i was crying because i was angry that my time was 9:30 per min mile.  i was crying because i had to run past my house and back to make it to 2mi.  i was crying because it's not fair that i can't run pain free.  i was crying because this is straight BULLSHIT!


what is wrong with my leg?!?  how can i fix it?  i didn't do anything to cause it!  i don't know how to remedy it and i am about to enter panic mode.  i NEED it to heal so that i CAN run.  i need to know what steps to take so that it will heal.  no one seems to know what i need to do to make this happen.


i'm running in lapham peak tonight with the trail runners.  7mi.  i'm taping and taking ibuprofen in the hopes that it will be enough for me to get through the run. if my pain is at a low enough level to be manageable i can enjoy the run. i just want to run and enjoy it.  a little pain is fine as long as it is manageable.  *sigh*  i just want to run.

GLM Race #5 - The Big Chill Race (10K)

GLM Race #5 - The Big Chill Race (10K) - February 16, 2014

time = 50:48:95
pace = 8:11 average
placed 4th in my age group (40-44) out of 23
placed 28th in women out of 130
placed 102nd overall out of 250

i signed up for this race on a whim one week before because kellie twisted my arm.  it went something exactly like this:

kellie:  “you'll run 27 1/3 miles through snow sand in the woods when it's -4, but not 6 paved miles. crazy. Lol” 

nikki:  “it will probably be slushy paved miles and i will probably not be able to breathe and i will probably die. fine... twist my arm. i'll do the race next Saturday. i'm supposed to run 8 miles anyway so that will work.” 

kellie: “woot woot! not that we'll be any closer to running *together* we'll just be starting at the same time.” 

nikki: “close enough”

and then i was doing another race in winter.  (thanks a lot kel!)  here's a picture of the beautiful kellie so that you can put a face with the evilness.  see… she even has evil red eyes!  man, i love this girl!

me and kellie

*sigh*  ~ don't get me wrong… i enjoy RUNNING in winter but RACING in winter is a different animal.  it requires immediate running at breakneck speeds of light and i'm rarely warmed up enough to be running at light speed.

in cold weather it takes me, at the very least, a mile or two to get warmed up enough to get my caboose moving fast enough that you can't see it.  unfortunately, today i felt like i was running through molasses.   i went into the race with the intention of it being a training run.  i was going to run it at a comfortable pace and not push myself too hard but just hard enough to finish strong.  yeah… we can see how that worked out for me.  i'm way too competitive for that.  although, i didn't really feel like i was pushing myself too hard and my leg was hurting which is why i didn't feel as though i was going as hard as i could have been going.  honestly, i felt like i could have pushed harder after all was said and done but winter is really a challenge for me.  i don't enjoy racing in winter because i simply don't feel that i run my best, and if i'm being completely honest, i don't like to race if i can't perform at my absolute best.  i don't like my stats to be recorded if i'm not giving it everything i've got.  it is so important to me to crush myself in a race… otherwise why race?  why train so hard, eat so well, and prepare so intensely if you're not going to squeeze every last ounce of soul into it and drain yourself dry and then give it a little more?

does that make sense?  i just don't see the point in doing something if you're not going to do it all and do it as well as you're capable of doing and then pushing yourself past that to find out just how much further you are capable of going.  i'm very interested in seeing what my body can do.  what my mind can do.

ok… so the weather was perfect.  17 degrees, beautiful, and sunny.  there was a short stretch of slushy snowsand and a different stretch that had an awful headwind otherwise the course was ok.  it was paved as we were running mostly on a frontage road out of olympia that lead out onto a dead end and then back.  the course was a double out and back… we went out and back and then did it again (as if i didn't just explain that).  i thought that was going to be awful but it really wasn't except for knowing i was going to have to run on that short stretch of shitty slushy snowsand 4 times… and knowing that the headwind was coming the second time around.  it was cool seeing the leaders as they passed by the first time… man, they were fast!  impressive.  there were a couple of kids too who were really fast.  i am always impressed and inspired to be faster and try harder when i run races because of other runners.  i want to be better than i am and when i go to races the energy and the strength of the group is intoxicating!  it fills me with so much joy to just be in their company.  i love everything about running… even when i feel like i can't take another step i find it deep inside me to go harder somehow… the other runners give that to me.  today was a beautiful day.  my husband took a lot of pictures and kellie experienced a PR and this was my first 10K race so i suppose this is a PR for me too.

still smiling... heading out for the 2nd time

jeff, kellie, and me

roads, recovery, and the road to recovery?

i went to a new chiropractor yesterday.  he seems to know what he's talking about so that's nice.  he did some pressure work on my neck and released some junk in there (totally technical terminology right there... take heed) and it felt better than it's felt since i first injured it 2 years ago.  my calf still hurts like the dickens but he seems to think my problems are fixable.  he mentioned that my ankles are a mess which i found laughable since they currently feel fine and i was impressed that he could tell i've had so many problems with them since i began running.  he mentioned inserts for my shoes to correct my over pronation also something i was aware of but ignore on the regular...  i found it impressive and interesting that he could know that i over pronate something fierce just by looking at me without shoes on. 


i feel very optimistic about our working together and my hope is that i can be pain free soonish. 


lapham tonight with the LPTR group.  my friend Jason is coming out for the first time so that is quite exciting.

pug weiner

i cut all my hairs off again and my pug shirt has a pink crayon… you're welcome.  that is all.

stupid lefty

so yesterday i was minding my own business running my very slow laps at the pettit center when my stupid left leg decided to do that thing it was doing on the treadmill the other day... only it decided to be the whole leg instead of 1/2 the leg. 


today i was talking to my friend and she suggested that maybe it was sciatica since it doesn't really feel like cramping and it doesn't actually hurt exactly but it feels sort of tight and then sort of weak but i can't really explain what it feels like because i've never experienced anything like it before.  it's a weird hurty feeling but not really pain exactly.


it did suck balls tho' and it made me damn mad and it didn't last exactly the whole time in the same intensity so it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense to me.


so i got to thinking... i now have a desk job and i have previously had a job where i was constantly moving... up to 8 or more miles a day in fact.  now i sit.  all day.  i was looking into one of these so i bought one for work.  seems like it might be best for me and my stupid nervy nerves.  i'll let you know how it goes after i get it and use it for awhile.


tomorrow i'm doing that 18mi out and back to check out how the run to work will be.  we'll see how it goes with this new development in my stupid body.  it's always something isn't it...

commute

com·mute [kuh-myoot]  verb (used without object), com·mut·ed, com·mut·ing. to travel regularly over some distance, as from a suburb into a city and back: He commutes to work by train.

this weekend i plan to run my long run to work and back.  no, i don't work on saturday... i just want to see how long it will take me if i run it at a super leisurely pace.  it's about 9 miles at the most and the route isn't on what one would consider too busy of streets (considering i live in a pretty rural area) so i'm sorta excited to see how long it will take.  i'm guessing it will take me nearly 1.5 hours or just under that given the conditions of the road.  i'm allowing a lot of extra time for slushy roads and the possibility of getting lost as i've never run these roads before and i'm quite possibly THE WORST at directions.  so round trip it will be an 18 mile run... i'm wondering if i should bust out my brand spanking and shiny new ak 2.0 race vest that i bought for the 50K in may.  i dunno tho'... that might be overkill.  after all, it is only 18 miles.  a water bottle is probably sufficient.


if the run goes well i am planning on doing it once a week throughout the summer months.  i will have to get a cleanliness plan in place so i'm not a super gross cretin at work on the run days.  some baby wipes and such... just to freshen up and not have pustules forming all over my person throughout the day.  ick...


how nice would that be?  to be able to fit my run right into my day like that?  lovely really...


would you be able to run to work?  if so, would you want to?  how far is your work place from your home?