first day of physical therapy. i guess i really didn't know what to expect but i expected a lot more than what i got. the therapist just did a lot of range of motion tests and wrote down the results, made me do a bunch of exercises to see where my weaknesses were, and we talked about what went down with my stupid body in the first place.
i was with her for about an hour.
i left with a handful of exercises that she wants me to do two times a day and she wants to see me weekly for the next 6 weeks.
i have no idea what for but i'm going to do the exercises and go with it for now... if i see no progress in a few weeks i'm gonna quit.
i couldn't run today because my leg hurts every time it strikes the ground. 3 strikes in and i had to quit my run so basically i didn't even make it down the driveway. it is numb a lot of the time and i'm certain that the pain is from my running saturday, sunday, and monday. i felt so good running those days that i thought i was back. too much too soon as is always my struggle.
i have a 5K on sunday for mother's day. not sure i'm going to do it now. i guess i'll just NOT run until then and see how i feel sunday morning.
i'm so frustrated and tired of this leg business...
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Friday, April 25, 2014
beartrax on sunday
"and one has to understand that braveness is not the absence of fear but rather the strength to keep on going forward despite the fear." - Paulo Coelhoon sunday i'm running in the beartrax brownie shuffle. i originally signed up for the 20K but given the state of my leg these past few months i've decided it would be in my (and my ego's) best interest to take it down a notch and run the shuffle instead. i'm really hoping that given that i've not run in 12 days by the time sunday rolls around things should be feeling a bit better. maybe wishful thinking but who knows. all i know for certain is that all this NOT running has taken it's toll on my endurance and i pretty much have none at all so that is what concerns me at this point. the shuffle is only a 4.3K but since it is on the trails i won't kid myself into thinking it will be a piece of cake. to add to that it is supposed to rain.
i've never run a race where i haven't placed in the top of my age group. given my purchase for competition i'm guessing that i will go balls to the wall and kill myself trying to win. it is, after all, what i do. i would rather not compete if i can't compete to my fullest potential and even without running consistently i think i can still pull it out for a win. maybe not 1st place like last year but still... top 3?
the difference between this year and last year is that i've grown to love lapham peak so much that i am devastated by this issue with my leg. i've not run in lapham since february 19th. man, that feels like such a lifetime ago! i keep hoping that the time off of my leg will give the pinch time to unpinch if that makes sense.
i'm just waiting for the new insurance to kick in so that i can go to a physical therapist and maybe get an MRI too. i need to find out what is going on with this leg and get it rectified. it is so frustrating. the frustration is leading to some mild depression i think. i'm not very good at recognizing that in myself so i'm not sure if that's what i'm feeling. i just really need to run.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
oh, the possibilities...
running has become a very arduous venture as of late. so much so that i've practically given it up in my mind. i've almost written it off as a thing of the past and have actively been getting rid of or downgrading my spring/summer races. i am having the most challenging time completing anything more than 3 miles without numerous walk breaks which makes me alternately overwhelmed with disappointment (to tears in fact), and seething with anger. on wednesday i ran in one of the most beautiful places i can think of... vero beach, florida. part of the run is paved and then part of the run is on a protected sandy road that skims the river. the entire run is breathtakingly beautiful and yet... the entire time i'm running my focus is on my pain. where, how much, what kind, and the severity of it. my focus is also on how long i can force myself to go before i simply have to take a walk break. my walk breaks are timed and are never more than .05 on my garmin. however... there are a lot of them. each break makes me more and more incensed which brings on the tears because the anger has nowhere to go.
yesterday we went to miami overnight for a heat game and while walking around miami i kept getting these shooting dull pains in my leg. not encouraging in the least. *sigh*
i have no idea how i'm going to rectify this situation. i have no idea what is wrong or how to fix it so i keep thinking that i'm simply going to have to stop running altogether. this makes me so disconsolate. what am i going to do if i can't run? how will i find that happy place?
today i saw this:
this makes me feel better and less downtrodden. makes me feel like i should give it some time and try to figure this mess out before i just give up completely. what i'm going to do in the interim is beyond me... i simply do not know. i have all these races i've scheduled that i really really want to do. the most important is the lakefront marathon so maybe i'll just give up all the others and focus on that one? maybe i will lay off the running for a month or two and then try again? i honestly have no idea what will work and i'm afraid that no matter what i try nothing will change and then i will feel so much more defeated. Tuesday, March 11, 2014
the worst 1 mile of my entire life
the first time i ran a mile i thought it was the worst mile of my entire life. i couldn't breathe. i had a side stitch. my legs hurt and it was really really hard. so hard that i didn't do it again for a very long time. it was not the worst mile of my entire life.
turns out that the worst mile of my life (so far) was on saturday when i gave it a go after not having run for exactly 2 weeks to the day pending injuries including but not limited to a torn calf muscle and sciatic nerve issues.
i know that this was the worst mile of my life because i know what i am missing when i can't run this mile. i know the thrill of the first few steps when the anticipation of the run is so fresh. i know the catch in my throat as my body settles in and my breath evens out. i know the joy in the cadence of my footfalls as my stride finds itself. i know the comfort i find in the sights and sounds fading away as i focus on my body and the work it's doing. i know the beauty as the world falls away and all that's left is me and the run. i know that this was the worst mile of my life because i experienced none of these euphoric things. what made this mile the worst mile of my life and worse than that first mile i ever ran (and believed to be the worst of my life) is that while i was running it i knew exactly what i was missing while i was running it.
this mile was an anxious and challenging mile. shortly upon starting saturday's mile my leg began to go numb but i ran anyway. it was a slow mile that took more effort than usual. it was hard to run and there was no joy in it. my leg continued to go numb. i finished saturday's mile with a leg that was numb from the back of the knee down to my entire foot. i was sad and defeated. i felt overwhelmed with disappointment and the worry that i would never run again without numbness and/or pain.
worst mile of my life.
yesterday i went to 8 branches chinese medicine and met with my friend sheri. she reached out to me after i posted a post on the book of face lamenting my sorrows. all the dramas... i know. she thought she could help me with acupuncture and so i went. to be honest i had no expectations. i am game for anything that might help and am all for alternative medicines. traditional medicines have their place and can work to a point and i'm not opposed to trying and utilizing whatever works. so i went. the appointment was weird. allowing someone to stick more than a dozen needles in your body is a weird concept. there really was nothing significant to speak of... at first. the needles went in and then i couldn't feel them anymore. one in the top of my left foot was intensely painful immediately upon insertion and so she moved it and i couldn't feel it anymore. a little later i had a similar painful sensation in my right hand but not where the needle was inserted. a bit later a similar sensation in my right foot. for each of these instances she simply moved my appendage around a bit and the pain was gone. there was some manual manipulation of my muscles surrounding some of the needles as well as some heat application on my ankles and lower back. i would say about 10-15 minutes into the treatment i felt what can only be described as a buzzing or humming throughout my body... not a noise but an energy coursing through my body. it felt like a buzzing or humming is what i mean. i can only assume that it was energy moving through me. there was no huge crazy feelings of change that i noticed. no big epiphany. no magical ah-ha moment. just some needles, some massage, and i fell asleep for about 15 minutes when sheri left me alone to relax.
today i went to the gym with the intent to run another mile. i had no expectations. well... that's a little lie. i expected a repeat of saturday. i expected my leg to go numb, to shed all the tears, and to dramatically plan my non-running future as i swore off alternative medicine for life.
i started my garmin so that i could track my laps this time for accurate calculations. we all know how i like to be accurate... and i started running. i felt a little sore in the calf as well as on the front inside shin where i injured it those 2 saturdays ago. beyond that... so far so good. i settled in and waited for the numbness. as i clocked laps 2,3,4,5... no numbness. still the soreness but nothing was getting worse or more painful and a smile spread across my face! lap 6 and still no numbness and the slight pain holding steady but not getting worse... could this be possible?!? what the hell! amazing! lap 7! picking up the pace now just a bit... still NOTHING! no numbness... laps 8 and 9... ok... here we go. there's a little something. just a twinge of something. two laps to go and finally some numbness! 10 and 11 - mile finished and the assessment is this: no numbness in the leg at all. only numbness in the outside of the foot encompassing the pinkie toe to the middle toe and maybe the second toe too but the big toe is fine. no numbness there and no numbness on the inside of the foot or in the heel! this is amazing! what an improvement.
i have to say i'm a believer. i ran that mile in 8:05. i have a second appointment tomorrow and before i ran today i was on the fence about keeping the appointment. i'm actually sort of shocked by the improvement. i honestly believed i'd have to quit running. i guess that's that for now.
turns out that the worst mile of my life (so far) was on saturday when i gave it a go after not having run for exactly 2 weeks to the day pending injuries including but not limited to a torn calf muscle and sciatic nerve issues.
i know that this was the worst mile of my life because i know what i am missing when i can't run this mile. i know the thrill of the first few steps when the anticipation of the run is so fresh. i know the catch in my throat as my body settles in and my breath evens out. i know the joy in the cadence of my footfalls as my stride finds itself. i know the comfort i find in the sights and sounds fading away as i focus on my body and the work it's doing. i know the beauty as the world falls away and all that's left is me and the run. i know that this was the worst mile of my life because i experienced none of these euphoric things. what made this mile the worst mile of my life and worse than that first mile i ever ran (and believed to be the worst of my life) is that while i was running it i knew exactly what i was missing while i was running it.
this mile was an anxious and challenging mile. shortly upon starting saturday's mile my leg began to go numb but i ran anyway. it was a slow mile that took more effort than usual. it was hard to run and there was no joy in it. my leg continued to go numb. i finished saturday's mile with a leg that was numb from the back of the knee down to my entire foot. i was sad and defeated. i felt overwhelmed with disappointment and the worry that i would never run again without numbness and/or pain.
worst mile of my life.
yesterday i went to 8 branches chinese medicine and met with my friend sheri. she reached out to me after i posted a post on the book of face lamenting my sorrows. all the dramas... i know. she thought she could help me with acupuncture and so i went. to be honest i had no expectations. i am game for anything that might help and am all for alternative medicines. traditional medicines have their place and can work to a point and i'm not opposed to trying and utilizing whatever works. so i went. the appointment was weird. allowing someone to stick more than a dozen needles in your body is a weird concept. there really was nothing significant to speak of... at first. the needles went in and then i couldn't feel them anymore. one in the top of my left foot was intensely painful immediately upon insertion and so she moved it and i couldn't feel it anymore. a little later i had a similar painful sensation in my right hand but not where the needle was inserted. a bit later a similar sensation in my right foot. for each of these instances she simply moved my appendage around a bit and the pain was gone. there was some manual manipulation of my muscles surrounding some of the needles as well as some heat application on my ankles and lower back. i would say about 10-15 minutes into the treatment i felt what can only be described as a buzzing or humming throughout my body... not a noise but an energy coursing through my body. it felt like a buzzing or humming is what i mean. i can only assume that it was energy moving through me. there was no huge crazy feelings of change that i noticed. no big epiphany. no magical ah-ha moment. just some needles, some massage, and i fell asleep for about 15 minutes when sheri left me alone to relax.
today i went to the gym with the intent to run another mile. i had no expectations. well... that's a little lie. i expected a repeat of saturday. i expected my leg to go numb, to shed all the tears, and to dramatically plan my non-running future as i swore off alternative medicine for life.
i started my garmin so that i could track my laps this time for accurate calculations. we all know how i like to be accurate... and i started running. i felt a little sore in the calf as well as on the front inside shin where i injured it those 2 saturdays ago. beyond that... so far so good. i settled in and waited for the numbness. as i clocked laps 2,3,4,5... no numbness. still the soreness but nothing was getting worse or more painful and a smile spread across my face! lap 6 and still no numbness and the slight pain holding steady but not getting worse... could this be possible?!? what the hell! amazing! lap 7! picking up the pace now just a bit... still NOTHING! no numbness... laps 8 and 9... ok... here we go. there's a little something. just a twinge of something. two laps to go and finally some numbness! 10 and 11 - mile finished and the assessment is this: no numbness in the leg at all. only numbness in the outside of the foot encompassing the pinkie toe to the middle toe and maybe the second toe too but the big toe is fine. no numbness there and no numbness on the inside of the foot or in the heel! this is amazing! what an improvement.
i have to say i'm a believer. i ran that mile in 8:05. i have a second appointment tomorrow and before i ran today i was on the fence about keeping the appointment. i'm actually sort of shocked by the improvement. i honestly believed i'd have to quit running. i guess that's that for now.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
for your eyes only... not really.
a lot of what i write here is so that i have a record for later. i forget a lot. like... A LOT. especially my aches, pains, and sometimes actual injuries that would be good for me to remember. so this post is going to be about my stupid leg. if you don't want to know about my stupid leg... just stop reading right here.
monday i went to see venski. venski is my chiropractor and he is pretty much on par with unicorns, rainbows, and pots of gold... saying i've put him on a pedestal is probably pretty accurate. he's done wonders for my pains. however, the buck stops there. he has not stopped my stupid leg from hurting so now i'm irrationally angry about it. when i was at the office i saw mike. mike is the massage guy. he hurts you with his fingers by finding your nerves and rubbing spots you didn't even know hurt. yeah... he does that.
so yesterday... my leg (for all intents and purposes) felt surprisingly better. tender to the touch but mostly better. so much so that the 2mi run i had planned turned into a longer (of unspecified length) run in my head by the time i got home.
needless to say... that all changed the moment my feet hit the pavement in a running stride that can only be described as the lurching of a crippled zombie chasing after brains while possibly half asleep.
HOLY SHIT...my leg hurt so bad with those first few strides that i was surprised i was "running" at all. if it can even be called that. it was more of a death march limp trot but i lumbered on determined to "loosen up". the thing is... i honestly don't know how to describe the pain because it isn't exactly pain. it IS but it ISN'T. it's a combination of weakness, pain, tightness, burning, and numbness.
i thought it would get better as the mile wore on but it didn't. it got worse and i got slower... in fact, i am embarrassed, pissed off, and so so frustrated by that 2 mi run. by the time i was 1/2 mile from home i was crying. full on crying.
i was crying for several reason. i was crying because it hurt. i was crying because i want to run without pain. i was crying because i was angry that my time was 9:30 per min mile. i was crying because i had to run past my house and back to make it to 2mi. i was crying because it's not fair that i can't run pain free. i was crying because this is straight BULLSHIT!
what is wrong with my leg?!? how can i fix it? i didn't do anything to cause it! i don't know how to remedy it and i am about to enter panic mode. i NEED it to heal so that i CAN run. i need to know what steps to take so that it will heal. no one seems to know what i need to do to make this happen.
i'm running in lapham peak tonight with the trail runners. 7mi. i'm taping and taking ibuprofen in the hopes that it will be enough for me to get through the run. if my pain is at a low enough level to be manageable i can enjoy the run. i just want to run and enjoy it. a little pain is fine as long as it is manageable. *sigh* i just want to run.
monday i went to see venski. venski is my chiropractor and he is pretty much on par with unicorns, rainbows, and pots of gold... saying i've put him on a pedestal is probably pretty accurate. he's done wonders for my pains. however, the buck stops there. he has not stopped my stupid leg from hurting so now i'm irrationally angry about it. when i was at the office i saw mike. mike is the massage guy. he hurts you with his fingers by finding your nerves and rubbing spots you didn't even know hurt. yeah... he does that.
so yesterday... my leg (for all intents and purposes) felt surprisingly better. tender to the touch but mostly better. so much so that the 2mi run i had planned turned into a longer (of unspecified length) run in my head by the time i got home.
needless to say... that all changed the moment my feet hit the pavement in a running stride that can only be described as the lurching of a crippled zombie chasing after brains while possibly half asleep.
HOLY SHIT...my leg hurt so bad with those first few strides that i was surprised i was "running" at all. if it can even be called that. it was more of a death march limp trot but i lumbered on determined to "loosen up". the thing is... i honestly don't know how to describe the pain because it isn't exactly pain. it IS but it ISN'T. it's a combination of weakness, pain, tightness, burning, and numbness.
i thought it would get better as the mile wore on but it didn't. it got worse and i got slower... in fact, i am embarrassed, pissed off, and so so frustrated by that 2 mi run. by the time i was 1/2 mile from home i was crying. full on crying.
i was crying for several reason. i was crying because it hurt. i was crying because i want to run without pain. i was crying because i was angry that my time was 9:30 per min mile. i was crying because i had to run past my house and back to make it to 2mi. i was crying because it's not fair that i can't run pain free. i was crying because this is straight BULLSHIT!
what is wrong with my leg?!? how can i fix it? i didn't do anything to cause it! i don't know how to remedy it and i am about to enter panic mode. i NEED it to heal so that i CAN run. i need to know what steps to take so that it will heal. no one seems to know what i need to do to make this happen.
i'm running in lapham peak tonight with the trail runners. 7mi. i'm taping and taking ibuprofen in the hopes that it will be enough for me to get through the run. if my pain is at a low enough level to be manageable i can enjoy the run. i just want to run and enjoy it. a little pain is fine as long as it is manageable. *sigh* i just want to run.
Friday, February 7, 2014
stupid lefty
so yesterday i was minding my own business running my very slow laps at the pettit center when my stupid left leg decided to do that thing it was doing on the treadmill the other day... only it decided to be the whole leg instead of 1/2 the leg.
today i was talking to my friend and she suggested that maybe it was sciatica since it doesn't really feel like cramping and it doesn't actually hurt exactly but it feels sort of tight and then sort of weak but i can't really explain what it feels like because i've never experienced anything like it before. it's a weird hurty feeling but not really pain exactly.
it did suck balls tho' and it made me damn mad and it didn't last exactly the whole time in the same intensity so it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense to me.
so i got to thinking... i now have a desk job and i have previously had a job where i was constantly moving... up to 8 or more miles a day in fact. now i sit. all day. i was looking into one of these so i bought one for work. seems like it might be best for me and my stupid nervy nerves. i'll let you know how it goes after i get it and use it for awhile.
tomorrow i'm doing that 18mi out and back to check out how the run to work will be. we'll see how it goes with this new development in my stupid body. it's always something isn't it...
today i was talking to my friend and she suggested that maybe it was sciatica since it doesn't really feel like cramping and it doesn't actually hurt exactly but it feels sort of tight and then sort of weak but i can't really explain what it feels like because i've never experienced anything like it before. it's a weird hurty feeling but not really pain exactly.
it did suck balls tho' and it made me damn mad and it didn't last exactly the whole time in the same intensity so it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense to me.
so i got to thinking... i now have a desk job and i have previously had a job where i was constantly moving... up to 8 or more miles a day in fact. now i sit. all day. i was looking into one of these so i bought one for work. seems like it might be best for me and my stupid nervy nerves. i'll let you know how it goes after i get it and use it for awhile.
tomorrow i'm doing that 18mi out and back to check out how the run to work will be. we'll see how it goes with this new development in my stupid body. it's always something isn't it...
Monday, September 30, 2013
tendons & ankles & running... oh my!
thankfully yesterday was a "rest day" because man... my left ankle is KILLING me.
after hobbling around after the run on saturday as well as most of yesterday it occured to me (yes i'm a bit dense sometimes) that i probably am just experiencing tendinitis. DUH! it makes perfect sense since in the month of september i bumped up my weekly mileage by almost double in order to better train for saturday's half because i was disappointed in my time from the striders half. too much too soon it seems.
now i'm probably going to not be running all week in preparation for this coming saturday's 5K... not expecting a very fast time considering i won't be running all week. bummer. over use is over use tho' so it is best for me to rest my ankles instead of working them again and becoming more seriously injured. i am alternately incredibly annoyed and relieved by this. annoyed because i'm starting october off with low/no mileage this week and relieved because for once i can come home from work and just BE.
i'll be the first to tell you that i'm AWFUL at taking time off. i get antsy, and quite frankly, my brain needs the calming outlet. i mentally need the physical exertion... if that makes sense. i find it calming to push my body to extremes. i mean... i don't really consider the running i do to be extreme but i guess it might be considered that by some people.
pain is a bummer... it's always a bummer. hopefully the time off will allow my tendons to heal and i'll still be good to go on saturday for the lapham peak colorama run i'm doing.
after hobbling around after the run on saturday as well as most of yesterday it occured to me (yes i'm a bit dense sometimes) that i probably am just experiencing tendinitis. DUH! it makes perfect sense since in the month of september i bumped up my weekly mileage by almost double in order to better train for saturday's half because i was disappointed in my time from the striders half. too much too soon it seems.
now i'm probably going to not be running all week in preparation for this coming saturday's 5K... not expecting a very fast time considering i won't be running all week. bummer. over use is over use tho' so it is best for me to rest my ankles instead of working them again and becoming more seriously injured. i am alternately incredibly annoyed and relieved by this. annoyed because i'm starting october off with low/no mileage this week and relieved because for once i can come home from work and just BE.
i'll be the first to tell you that i'm AWFUL at taking time off. i get antsy, and quite frankly, my brain needs the calming outlet. i mentally need the physical exertion... if that makes sense. i find it calming to push my body to extremes. i mean... i don't really consider the running i do to be extreme but i guess it might be considered that by some people.
pain is a bummer... it's always a bummer. hopefully the time off will allow my tendons to heal and i'll still be good to go on saturday for the lapham peak colorama run i'm doing.
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