beartrax on sunday

"and one has to understand that braveness is not the absence of fear but rather the strength to keep on going forward despite the fear." - Paulo Coelho

 on sunday i'm running in the beartrax brownie shuffle.  i originally signed up for the 20K but given the state of my leg these past few months i've decided it would be in my (and my ego's) best interest to take it down a notch and run the shuffle instead.  i'm really hoping that given that i've not run in 12 days by the time sunday rolls around things should be feeling a bit better.  maybe wishful thinking but who knows.  all i know for certain is that all this NOT running has taken it's toll on my endurance and i pretty much have none at all so that is what concerns me at this point.  the shuffle is only a 4.3K but since it is on the trails i won't kid myself into thinking it will be a piece of cake.  to add to that it is supposed to rain.

i've never run a race where i haven't placed in the top of my age group.  given my purchase for competition i'm guessing that i will go balls to the wall and kill myself trying to win.  it is, after all, what i do.  i would rather not compete if i can't compete to my fullest potential and even without running consistently i think i can still pull it out for a win.  maybe not 1st place like last year but still... top 3?

the difference between this year and last year is that i've grown to love lapham peak so much that i am devastated by this issue with my leg.  i've not run in lapham since february 19th.  man, that feels like such a lifetime ago!  i keep hoping that the time off of my leg will give the pinch time to unpinch if that makes sense.

i'm just waiting for the new insurance to kick in so that i can go to a physical therapist and maybe get an MRI too.  i need to find out what is going on with this leg and get it rectified.  it is so frustrating.  the frustration is leading to some mild depression i think.  i'm not very good at recognizing that in myself so i'm not sure if that's what i'm feeling.  i just really need to run.