Tuesday, February 23, 2016

out before i was in

saw my PT today and we've come to the cold hard truth that i have to defer my entry for iceage until 2017.  i'm sort of heartbroken about it.  ok... truth be told i'm very heartbroken about it.

this was supposed to be my A race for 2016.  this was the race where i was planning to kill it and PR and run it like a champion.  this was going to be the best ever!

then my stupid body went and messed it all up.  man, it's hard getting old.  there's something going on with my left hamstring.  don't quite know what it is or what has caused it as it just sort of came on gradually.  a little bit of pain and then a little more and then a whole lot and then i was limping regularly.  so there's that.

i'm good right now and my PT has cleared me to walk 5 miles tomorrow.  woo hoo!  once we see how that goes then i might get to run a couple of miles a day or so after that.  if it causes any pain then i don't get to run.  i've run once for 2 miles in the past 2 weeks.  it sucks.

i'm just going to sit around and eat pie and get fat.

this isn't fair and yes i'm pouting about it.  i just want to be able to run.  it makes me happy.  it keeps me sane.  it helps me sleep for christ's sake!  i NEED it!

instead i'm going to be cranky because i can't run, i can't bike, i can't elliptical... i can't do anything that pushes off.  i can walk so i guess i'm walking until further notice.  yay, walking.

grumble grumble stupid walking...

Thursday, February 18, 2016

pacer? what's that?

looks like i'm going to be pacing the lakefront marathon instead of racing it.  this is bringing me more joy than i anticipated when i first entertained the idea a day or so ago.  i saw the facebook post go up and i "liked" it right away, but it took a few hours to really roll around in my head before i really started to think hey... maybe i could do that.

so i filled out the application and got a response back today.  i feel really good about it.  i rely pretty heavily on pacers when i've run both of my marathons to keep me on track and moving forward.  the pace groups were pivotal to helping me reach the goals i set for myself for those races.  i am proud and excited to say that i will get the opportunity to help others do that same thing this year.

i think it will be really fun to run this race for fun without the added pressure i put on myself to meet a super challenging goal.  the last time i paced a friend in a race i really enjoyed the race immensely and had a great time the whole time.  i anticipate this will be no different.

the bonus is giving back to the sport that has given me so much.  i feel awesome about that.  i just hope that i can do what needs to be done and that i don't disappoint.

barring injury i think this will be a super fun race.  i just have to find some super fun outfit to wear now!

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

history repeating itself

well... looks like history is repeating itself.  it is my first week into my 12 week training plan for iceage and i am already not running.  why you might be wondering all curious like...

well, because i'm working through a pain in my left hamstring.  it started about a month ago and was really mild.  i went back to mike, my trusty physical therapist, and we thought we nipped it in the bud.  no such luck.  it came back.  it came back with a vengeance.

it is painful to run.  any speed and any distance.  i am discouraged.  i told mike that i would take time off but if i was going to do that it would have to absolutely be RIGHT NOW.  i think i could be trained for iceage with 8 weeks of training but i'd have to adjust my goals.  he told me on tuesday to give him 2 days so i go back on thursday (tomorrow) for more therapy and to see what happens.  i can then run on saturday and see how it feels.

i'm not going to lie... i am worried.  i sort of feel that i can still pull it out if i take 4 weeks off right now to let it go away, but it will be tough.  i will probably not meet the goals i've set for myself with this race and i might have to let it go as my A race for the year.

i'm learning to feel the disappointment and then let it go.  to reassess and readjust.

i put in an application to be a pacer for lakefront.  i've been going back and forth about racing it so i decided maybe i'll just run it for fun, and get other people to their race goals instead.  when it gets closer i'll decide if i want to race MRF.  i've been entertaining the idea of that one.  i'm just worried about the weather.  i hate racing in cold weather so that would be the deal breaker for me.  i don't want to commit until closer to race day.  we'll see.

injuries suck.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

dave chappelle at the pabst theater

so... i had the opportunity to see dave chappelle at the pabst theater on monday night.  i missed the sold out shows last year so i jumped at the opportunity when the tickets went on sale last week.

i needed a few days to mull over my feelings about the jokes both he and his opener, donnell rawlings, were telling.

i want to start by saying that donnell's jokes were everything BUT funny.  he got on a bill cosby rape rant that seemed never ending.  it was uncomfortable at best.

i should probably state that rape jokes are rarely funny to me.  i mean... maybe one in a million will i find laughable.  likely this comes from some little sick part of me that is self-depreciating given the circumstances of my life that have made me intimately acquainted with such things more often than i intend to discuss in this forum.

imagine my surprise and chagrin when i go to see a comedian that i was excitedly anticipating and i'm slapped in the face with rape jokes?  yeah... it was pretty awesome.

so when dave chappelle takes the stage i've already got a bad taste in my mouth.  he managed to bring it back for awhile with jokes unique to milwaukee history which i LOVED!  then he too jumped on the cosby train.  i understand the whole controversy and wanting to be fearless in touching the hot button topics.  what i don't understand is the insensitivity with rape.  maybe i'm just old?  maybe i'm just over sensitive to it?  the crowd seemed to really like it and laughed it up through all the rapey jokes.  it got great reviews too so...  whatever my hang-ups (if it really is "just me") they really put a damper on the experience for me.  although, to my husband's credit he too was not feeling the rape jokes.

i thought the rest of the show was pretty good.  he did take some silly sex talk on too long, but other than that i had a good time and i'm glad i went.  would i go again?  probably not.  it was a lot of money to not feel good the whole time.

i wonder if people like dave chappelle or donnell rawlings really give a shit about what someone like me thinks?  i feel like rape jokes are self serving and purposeless.  isn't there better material to laugh and poke fun at?  aren't there other dark aspects of our lives that would make better fodder for the comedic pitter patter of an evening?  i could have certainly done without it.  i can't imagine i was the only woman in the audience who felt that way.  i mean... for the life of me i can't come up with anything he talked about other than the rape crap and touching on steven avery (which i thought was hilarious).  that tells me something.  it tells me that he talked about something WAY TOO MUCH.

it speaks volumes to me as a woman and about our culture that a room full of people could sit and laugh about rape jokes dignifying a rapist and vilifying the raped.

it made me uncomfortable, sad, and provoked these thoughts.  although, it also reaffirmed my feelings of helplessness and hopelessness for changing our system, the way men view women, and how our society perpetuates it all.

it is/was kind of heartbreaking in a way... how funny (not funny ha ha)... i left a comedy show feeling heartbroken.  life is weird.