Tuesday, March 11, 2014

the worst 1 mile of my entire life

the first time i ran a mile i thought it was the worst mile of my entire life.  i couldn't breathe.  i had a side stitch.  my legs hurt and it was really really hard.  so hard that i didn't do it again for a very long time.  it was not the worst mile of my entire life.

turns out that the worst mile of my life (so far) was on saturday when i gave it a go after not having run for exactly 2 weeks to the day pending injuries including but not limited to a torn calf muscle and sciatic nerve issues.

i know that this was the worst mile of my life because i know what i am missing when i can't run this mile.  i know the thrill of the first few steps when the anticipation of the run is so fresh.  i know the catch in my throat as my body settles in and my breath evens out.  i know the joy in the cadence of my footfalls as my stride finds itself.  i know the comfort i find in the sights and sounds fading away as i focus on my body and the work it's doing.  i know the beauty as the world falls away and all that's left is me and the run.  i know that this was the worst mile of my life because i experienced none of these euphoric things.  what made this mile the worst mile of my life and worse than that first mile i ever ran (and believed to be the worst of my life) is that while i was running it i knew exactly what i was missing while i was running it.

this mile was an anxious and challenging mile.  shortly upon starting saturday's mile my leg began to go numb but i ran anyway.  it was a slow mile that took more effort than usual.  it was hard to run and there was no joy in it.  my leg continued to go numb.  i finished saturday's mile with a leg that was numb from the back of the knee down to my entire foot.  i was sad and defeated.  i felt overwhelmed with disappointment and the worry that i would never run again without numbness and/or pain.

worst mile of my life.

yesterday i went to 8 branches chinese medicine and met with my friend sheri.  she reached out to me after i posted a post on the book of face lamenting my sorrows.  all the dramas... i know.  she thought she could help me with acupuncture and so i went.  to be honest i had no expectations.  i am game for anything that might help and am all for alternative medicines.  traditional medicines have their place and can work to a point and i'm not opposed to trying and utilizing whatever works.  so i went.  the appointment was weird.  allowing someone to stick more than a dozen needles in your body is a weird concept.  there really was nothing significant to speak of... at first.  the needles went in and then i couldn't feel them anymore.  one in the top of my left foot was intensely painful immediately upon insertion and so she moved it and i couldn't feel it anymore.  a little later i had a similar painful sensation in my right hand but not where the needle was inserted.  a bit later a similar sensation in my right foot.  for each of these instances she simply moved my appendage around a bit and the pain was gone.  there was some manual manipulation of my muscles surrounding some of the needles as well as some heat application on my ankles and lower back.  i would say about 10-15 minutes into the treatment i felt what can only be described as a buzzing or humming throughout my body... not a noise but an energy coursing through my body.  it felt like a buzzing or humming is what i mean.  i can only assume that it was energy moving through me.  there was no huge crazy feelings of change that i noticed.  no big epiphany.  no magical ah-ha moment.  just some needles, some massage, and i fell asleep for about 15 minutes when sheri left me alone to relax.

today i went to the gym with the intent to run another mile.  i had no expectations.  well... that's a little lie.  i expected a repeat of saturday.  i expected my leg to go numb, to shed all the tears, and to dramatically plan my non-running future as i swore off alternative medicine for life.

i started my garmin so that i could track my laps this time for accurate calculations.  we all know how i like to be accurate... and i started running.  i felt a little sore in the calf as well as on the front inside shin where i injured it those 2 saturdays ago.  beyond that... so far so good.  i settled in and waited for the numbness.  as i clocked laps 2,3,4,5... no numbness.  still the soreness but nothing was getting worse or more painful and a smile spread across my face!  lap 6 and still no numbness and the slight pain holding steady but not getting worse... could this be possible?!?  what the hell!  amazing!  lap 7!  picking up the pace now just a bit... still NOTHING!  no numbness... laps 8 and 9... ok... here we go.  there's a little something.  just a twinge of something.  two laps to go and finally some numbness!  10 and 11 - mile finished and the assessment is this:  no numbness in the leg at all.  only numbness in the outside of the foot encompassing the pinkie toe to the middle toe and maybe the second toe too but the big toe is fine.  no numbness there and no numbness on the inside of the foot or in the heel!  this is amazing!  what an improvement.

i have to say i'm a believer.  i ran that mile in 8:05.  i have a second appointment tomorrow and before i ran today i was on the fence about keeping the appointment.  i'm actually sort of shocked by the improvement.  i honestly believed i'd have to quit running.  i guess that's that for now.

3 comments:

nwgdc said...

I'm sorry to hear this. I'm not sure what encouragement I can offer, that you haven't already tried on yourself, but I'll give it a shot anyway...
There's a reason for this. Things like this work themselves out, as long as you have patience, and the ability to not be too stubborn, and not be too quick to give up completely. Let this play out as it should, and you'll find answers.
I'm pulling for you!

nwgdc said...

And I can't wait to hear more after the next appointment! Keep a level head and keep us/me posted!

nikki said...

unfortunately, I'm not sure i'll know the results of yesterday's appointment since I can't really run. the torn muscle needs to heal so it doesn't benefit me to run until that happens. I'm looking at 4-6 weeks for that as I keep setting myself back by running on it. *sigh* I appreciate the kind words. the frustration I'm feeling is palpable. writing is therapeutic for me which is why I do it... lol! again, thank you for rooting for me! I appreciate it.