ice age 50K deferral, 10K, and my first marathon

so i deferred my entry for the ice age 50K that i was supposed to run in may until 2015.  there's no way i can run this race with the lack of training i've been experiencing with my leg how it is.  it is so heartbreaking.  i don't even want to talk to my friends about it anymore.  i feel like such a whiner.  i'm on the verge of tears all day today and have been planning my non-running life.  its quite ridiculous.

i've been trying to figure out what i'm going to do if i can never run again.  i'm so angry.  it's worse because there's no way to make it better.  no plan to make it better.  no wait it out and it gets better.  no rhyme or reason to the crap... it just goes numb and then it hurts and there's nothing i can do to make it not happen.

it is frustrating and makes me so angry and then i want to cry because it isn't fair.  it isn't fair because i need to run.  i need this in my life.  i have plans for christ's sake!  i have goals!  i have things i want to do and i was on a path to those goals and things were going really well until this crap happened and i DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO CAUSE THIS!  it just happened!  and now i can't get it to go away!  i'm so angry!

i've been doing all the necessary stretching all the time.  all day long over and over and for what?  nothing because it isn't helping.  i stopped running for 2 weeks for what?  nothing because it isn't helping.  so i'm basically screwed because nothing is helping.

ok... pity party is over.  moral of the story is that i have a 10K in a couple of weeks that i have to decide if i want to risk running or not and then my first marathon scheduled after that... to run or not to run... that is the million dollar question.