Sunday, May 3, 2015

this ankle... ice age creeper

this ankle is just killing me!

my goal mileage for april was 210 if i had been on schedule and running injury free... not missing any runs during the month.  i suppose it is needless to say that i didn't come anywhere close to that with my subpar training for april.

i ran about 19ish miles out at the nordic trail head a couple of saturdays ago and felt really really great the whole time.  after that it was all downhill for my ankle.  it remained swollen and painful to the point that it hurt to walk and was causing me trouble walking normally.  ran a couple of runs after that with pain, but really didn't think much of it.  woke up with a super swollen ankle after that last run before beartrax at which point i decided it was time for some concern.  i decided not to run until i could walk normally and without pain.  turns out that took an entire week.

i have not run since the race last sunday.

not even a few steps.

do i feel ready for ice age?  nope, not even a little bit.  dave keeps telling me that the "hay is in the barn" meaning that i've done my training and there is very little i can do between now and saturday to make up for the missing runs but i don't feel ready at all.  my ankle doesn't hurt anymore... with 2 weeks off why would it?!?

i only ran 97 miles for the month of april.  NINETY SEVEN!  not a great month to be certain.  i need to figure out how to stop injuring myself.  everything was going along so great!  i was feeling wonderful and then out of goddamn nowhere this!  it is so disheartening.  maybe i'm not supposed to be a runner.  maybe i'm not supposed to be a fast runner.  maybe i'm not supposed to be a trail runner...  i dunno.  whatever it is i need to figure out how to not get hurt because when i run i love running fast.  i love running far.  i love running trails!  if i cannot do those things then i just don't know why i would bother running at all.  this is what i love about running!  i mean... not all i love about running but i love competing and pushing my body and seeing what i can do.  it drives and inspires me.  it makes me happy.  if i can't do it how i want... why do it at all?

so ice age is creeping up and i keep mentally going over the course in my head... trying to figure out my strategy.  trying to figure out if i will have the stamina and endurance to run the race how i want to run the race.  trying to figure out if i need to start out slower than i want to so that i can try and run faster than i originally intended at the end... i just have no idea how to approach it now that i don't feel ready.  i don't want to just go out and run it with no time goal.  i know i can run the distance... but i want to finish with my head held high and as if i ran a RACE and not just the miles.  GAH...  what do i do?

97 miles is not enough miles to be prepared for this...


Josh said...

I understand feeling underprepared; however I'd agree the hay is in the barn, as long as you did get some good mileage in prior to April. What was your March mileage? Your piddly 97 miles was still more than my 54! And 54 was my 6th highest-mileage month in the nearly two years I've been tracking my mileage!

nikki said...

i hope you're right. my march mileage was on point but i don't feel ready. i haven't said that out loud to anyone but my husband. i'm not nervous... just concerned about my fitness i guess. i know i can't do anything amazing at this race but i have goals and i will be upset with myself if i don't meet those goals. ya know?