Saturday, August 2, 2014

it's getting pitiful in here

in a second it will be so mellow dramatic and pitiful in this space that you might want to stop reading right now.

sitting here in this chair... i.am.struggling.

struggling with the inability to run comfortably and the knowledge that i am "resting" and should continue to "rest"  fills me with such a deep and all encompassing sadness.  it overwhelms me and makes me feel purposeless.  i'm going to quantify what i know sounds absolutely ridiculous by also saying that i am bipolar and running staves off that imbalance in my brain.  today i am sitting here and my world is caving in.  i have fought injury after injury and today it is all too much.  i am fighting back the tears and for what?  because my stupid leg hurts and i've got this knot in my right calf that suddenly appeared yesterday and i can't roll it out to save my life.  the IT band in my right leg is giving me discomfort from my hip to my knee and makes it challenging to run and that came on for no apparent reason.

i cannot catch a freaking break.

running gives my life purpose.  it gives me a release from all the weird chemicals in my brain that mess everything else up.  without the ability to run all of that just weighs so heavily on me that all i want to do is curl up in a ball and languish away.  (i told you this was going to be mellow dramatic)...

today just sucks.

2 comments:

Sun said...

So sorry to hear, Nikki :( I hope things improved over the weekend and that the calf and IT issues work themselves out.

Have you tried Roll Recovery? I've found it's better than a foam roller for releasing tightness in certain areas. PRO sells them so perhaps you can try one out in one of the stores?

Amy Barrett said...

Hey - don't get down - I know running breaks totally suck...but sometimes, it works out better. Your upcoming race schedule is very similar to mine - I love all the races Milwaukee has to offer - one of the upsides of having to deal with awful winters. Have you tried pool running? Pool running is what I do to take my mind off outside running when I'm side lined...well, that and the travelling beer garden that was introduced this summer :)